you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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