o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
