9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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