last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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