Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
