Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
