Redeem this text for a blowjob
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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