The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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