im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
