So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
