I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
