All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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