i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
