my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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