you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
