That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
