your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
