Can Purell be used as lube?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
