Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
