im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
