I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
