so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
