drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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