I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
