You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize