try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
