Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
