He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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