So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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