There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
