I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
