I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Farmville is her only friend.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
