it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
