i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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