Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't think brook has ever known best
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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