i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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