so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
