A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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