Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
