May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize