thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
