That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My brain says no but my pants say off.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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