I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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