I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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