New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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