I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
