i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
