Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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