Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
