I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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