Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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