you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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