Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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