I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
