Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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