did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
