Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
