dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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