I need help removing her.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
