no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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