walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Alive.
So much puke
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
