Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
