i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
