Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
