just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
