She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
