I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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