My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
