nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
