where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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