You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
