After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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