"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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