singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
