You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
