Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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